YOUNG BEICHAN OF OLD BALLONE CASTLE

 Young Beichan lived in a crumbly castle on the edge of a crumbly cliff in a crumbly part of Scotland. The castle’s proper name was Ballone Castle, but everyone called it Castle Crumbly. Bits would fall off the castle into the sea. Bits of fields would fall into the sea. No animals ever fell off, they knew to keep away from the edges.
Young Beichan's father was the lord of the castle. He was called Old Beichan. One day Young Beichan said to his father, "Old," (he called him by his official name for politeness), "Old, we need to build a new castle away from the edge of the cliff, before everything and everybody falls over."
"Tell me something I don't know," said his father.
Young Beichan opened his mouth to tell Old something he did not know, but his father went on talking.
"We have no money, and I cannot think of any way to get some."
"I was thinking about that," said Young Beichan. "You know I'm very good at twirling a sword and hitting and cutting things with it?"
"Of course, Young," said Old. "Look at the mess you've made of all the doors with practising cutting your initials with one swipe!"
"Well, the space between the Y and B is quite hard to master," said Young. "Anyway, my idea is this. There is a Crusader war going on just now in the rich country called Turkey. I could go there and fight, and capture some rich Turks, and make them pay me lots of ransom."
"Worth a try," said Old. "How will you get there?"
"I got Lass Margaret's brother to make me a little boat with a big sail. Come and see."
The boat was only big enough for Young Beichan, his long sword, a big bag of oatmeal and a barrel of water, but the sail was big enough to catch lots of wind.
"I sewed the sail myself," said Lass Margaret. "Look at the scratches on my hands. But it was worth it, because if
you get all that money we could do what we agreed."
There was a very large problem here. Lass Margaret and Young Beichan were cousins, So they had known each other all their lives, but they did not understand each other very well.
Lass's father was Old's brother, and Lass had come to look after the castle when Young's mother died. One time Lass Margaret had said to Young Beichan, "It would make our families very happy if we got married." Young Beichan thought of the food and dancing and fun, and smiled, thinking what a good joke Lass had made. "I suppose it would," he said.
But Lass thought they had agreed to get married, and had a secret engagement. So when she sewed the sail it was so they could get married, but Young thought she meant about building a new castle which would be nicer for Lass to look after.
Young got into the boat, and sailed away waving his sword in the air.
He went round the North part of Scotland, past the He Bride Isles, past the great isle of Eire, past tiny little silly isles, past the noble lands and high castles of Espan and Portspan, carefully through the groaning rocks that the giant Hercul held apart, and into the Middle Sea.
Right straight through he sailed, all the way direct to the shore of Turkey. He was in luck. There was a battle going on when he arrived. He knew which side he was on. His side had straight swords, the other side had curved swords.
He jumped out of his boat, and charged towards the enemy. They were running towards him, but they stopped, pointed at him, and cheered and laughed. Young Beichan had never been in a battle before, but he knew there was something wrong here. The Turks pointed behind him. He turned round, and found he was alone. All the soldiers on his side had been running away just as he arrived. He knew just what to do.
He put his sword down, and his hands up.
 They took him to the castle of the chief of the Turks.
The chief Turk said, "What is your name?"
"Young Beichan."
"That sounds like a noble name. Do you have a castle?"
"Yes," said Young Beichan, but he did not say what kind of castle it was.
"Good. You must write home and tell them to send a ransom of five hundred gold pieces, so we will let you go."
Young Beichan knew that there was no way his father could get five gold pieces, let alone five hundred.
"I am not very good at writing," he said. "Can someone else here not write the letter instead?"
"No-one here can read your strange language, let alone write in it," said the chief Turk.
"Oh. In that case, bring me the paper."
When he had finished the chief Turk said, "Read out to me what you have written."

"Dear Father.
I am sorry but I got myself captured by the Turks with the curved swords.
Please send five hundred gold pieces.
Your loving son,
Young.
P. S. Sorry again."

But what Young Beichan had read out was not what he had written. This is what he had written.

"Dear Father.
I am sorry but I got myself captured by the Turks with the curved swords.
I will not be home to help with the harvest this year. Or next year. I'll come when I can.
Your loving son,
Young.
P. S. Sorry again."
 
The letter was sent off. The Turks thought they would get much gold, so they treated Young Beichan very well, with the best of food and wine. After a while, when no money came, they began to give him quite good food and wine. Then poor food and the worst wine. At last, they put him down in a deep dark dungeon and fed him on bread and water.
It was lonely in the dungeon, with only rats and spiders for company, so Young Beichan sang songs to cheer himself up and amuse the rats. One he liked to sing was an old song about a Scottish prisoner in England.

Oh, if a maiden would rescue me.
Oh, if her love was easy won.
I would make her a lady of high degree,
If she'd loosen me out of this prison so strong.

One day when he finished singing that song he heard a voice come floating down from the little window high up in the dungeon wall.
"Is that right?"
"Is what right?"
"Is it right you have a castle at home, and if a lady set you free you would marry her and take her with you?"
"Well, it's my father's castle, but it will be mine next. And yes, I would marry someone who set me free. Why? Were you thinking of rescuing me?"
"Stay there," said the voice.
"Where else could I be?"
The voice belonged to a girl called Suzy Pie, the daughter of the chief Turk. She was very bored living in the Turkish castle, where girls and women were not allowed to do anything interesting or go anywhere exciting. She had seen Young Beichan when he sat at table getting good food and drink, and thought it might be a great deal better to be married to him in a faraway country than being bored at home.
She decided to rescue him. She knew that her father had a key that could open every lock in the castle, but of course he would not lend it to her. She would have to borrow it.
He kept it under his pillow when he slept. That night she went to creep in and take it, but her father woke up.
"What brings you here, Daughter Suzy?"
"Oh, father, I was worried you might not be sleeping, so I came to check you were."
"That was very kind of you, Daughter Suzy. Well, you can see I was sleeping - until you came in."
She went out, waited a long while, then crept in again. Her father woke up again.
"What can it be this time, Daughter Suzy?"
"Oh, sorry father. I just came in to check you had managed to get back to sleep again."
She crept out again. She sat down in a corner and tried to think how to get the key. Her friend the Billy Blin came along.
"Why are you sitting in a corner, Suzy Pie?"
She told him her problem.
"I'll do it," said the Billy Blin. "Easy-peasy."
The Billy Blin went to her father's door, and changed himself into smoke. As smoke he flowed under the door without opening it, as smoke he flowed under her father's pillow, where he felt the key all over and learned its shape.
Then he flowed out and into Suzy Pie's hand, where he turned into the key.
Suzy opened all the locks till she came to Young Beichan's dungeon. He looked as nice as she remembered, except thinner and grubbier. He was very pleased to see her, for all sorts of reasons. And one of the reasons was that she was very nice looking indeed.
He gave her a hug to show he was pleased.
"Good," she said. "But we have to hurry."
She unlocked more and more doors until they were out of the castle and down at the harbour. The Billy Blin stopped being the key.
"It's good to stretch," he said.
In the harbour was Young Beichan's boat. "It knows the way home," he said. "Let's go."
But there were two problems.
First, there was only room for one person in the little boat.
"You go first," said Suzy Pie. "They won't suspect me."
"But how can I send the boat back for you empty?" asked Young Beichan.
"I know," said the Billy Blin. He had been thinking about the other problem, which was that the Turks had hidden the
boat's sail. "Watch this."
He jumped high, and turned himself into the sail, and caught hold of the ship's mast. Even cleverer, he turned himself as well into a strong wind to drive the boat quickly along.
"Jump in," sang the windy sail.
Young Beichen gave Suzy Pie a hug, then Suzy Pie gave Young Beichan a hug, then he had to jump into the boat
and sail away because the castle night watchmen would be waking up soon and might catch him.
He and the Billy Blin sailed away, all the way home. It took them three whole days and nights.
Young Beichan climbed out of the boat, all stiff and sore, and began to climb up the crumbly cliff to Castle
Crumbly. The Billy Blin turned and raced away over the grey sea.
As Young Beichan entered over the rickety drawbridge he me Lass Margaret.
"Oh," she said, "you're home. Do you know you're not Young any more?"
"I didn't think I looked that bad."
"No, no, I mean your father has died and you are the lord of the castle now."
Young Beichan was very very sad to hear that sad news, but Lass Margaret was used to it. She went on.
"Any way, you are home safe, and so now we can get married."
"Us get married? What an odd idea. I see, it's a joke. You are trying to cheer me up, aren't you? But in fact I am going to get married , to a girl called Suzy Pie. She'll be here in six days. We'll have the wedding then."
"Is that so?" said Lass Margaret in a voice as black and alarming as a dark echoing cave. She held her left hand up to Beichan's face. On the third finger was a ring with a huge black stone. The stone did not twinkle in the light, instead it seemed to drink the light in.
"See my new ring."
Beichan looked down at the ring.
"It has a compartment. Look." Lass Margaret opened a little clasp, the stone lifted to the side, beneath it was a little pile of red dust. Lass Margaret blew a sharp little puff of air, and the red dust flew up into Beichan's eyes.
He did not cough. He did not wipe his eyes. He did not do anything.
"So", said Lass Margaret, "You have come home to me."
"Yes, Margaret," said Beichan in a sleepy dull voice.
"We are going to get married."
"Yes, Margaret."
"We will get married in six days time."
"Yes, Margaret."
"Where have you been all this time?"
"I don't remember, Margaret. Is it important?"
"No." 
Six days later the wedding was happening. All the guests had arrived, and Lass Margaret called the man who looked after the door and the drawbridge to her. His title was The Pardon, but no-one could understand what that meant. "Now, nobody else and nothing else comes into this castle today. On your life."
The Pardon went to guard the castle door. Quite soon he heard a chink chinking noise and thought someone in armour was coming, so he reached to get his spear. Then he saw a young lady climbing up the steep path. She was dressed in finest silk, and gold coins hung around her neck and on her belt and at her wrists, so many and so heavy that it was hard for her to climb.
"Good day, fair lady," said The Pardon.
"That is a stiff climb," said Suzy Pie. She looked at Castle Crumbly, which was not very big and not at all safe looking. But she had come a long way.
"Is this Young Beichan's fine castle?" she asked.
"Yes, fair lady."
"Then let me in, now."
"I regret, fair lady, but I cannot. I have orders not to disturb the wedding."
"What wedding is that?""
"Beichan marries Lass Margaret today."
Suzy Pie was in a panic.
"Let me in, I must go in and see him." She was almost screaming.
"I cannot, for my life, fair lady. I am sorry for your distress but I am ordered to obey."
Suzy had to calm down, and think quickly.
"A wedding? In my country if there is a wedding, and a stranger comes to the door, the stranger would get a piece
of cake and a drink of wine. Are your manners different here?"
"Indeed not, fair lady. You are right. Please wait just a moment."
The Pardon closed the door and ran to the hall. He went straight to Beichan.
"Sir, there is a lady at your door, the finest lady I have ever seen. She says to cut a slice of your finest cake and pour a cup of your finest wine for her, for she is a stranger at your door on your wedding day."
Lass Margaret was busy laughing with her fine friends, and did not notice what was happening, as Beichan cut cake and poured wine to send down to the strange lady.
While The Pardon was away, Suzy Pie had gone to the cliff edge and called the Billy Blin, who flew up to her, changing from being a huge sail back to his usual shape.
"It's nice to shrink," said the Billy Blin.
"Yes, yes," said Suzy Pie, "But I need your help, Billy Blin."
She told him what to do. He hid himself behind a rock.
When The Pardon came back, she said to him, "I don't know what your manners are here, but in my country it is rude to watch people eat."
The Pardon turned his face away politely.
The Billy Blin jumped onto the plate, learned the shape of the slice of cake, and turned himself into the slice, but with one bite taken out. Suzy Pie threw the real cake away down the cliff. She spoke firmly to The Pardon.
"Is this cake poisoned, or just bad? Take it to your master and ask why he insults me in this way!"
The Pardon hurried with the cake to Beichan, and told him what the fine lady had said.
"Poisoned?" said Beichan. "I don't think so, surely."
He carefully tasted a crumb of the slice of cake that was the Billy Blin. The Billy Blin raced all through his body, and found the red dust floating on Beichan's eyes, and washed it away with Beichan's tears. Then he came out and stood before Beichan.
"Billy Blin! You are most welcome. Is Suzy Pie here with you? It feels like you only left today, but at the same time it feels like you have been away days." He looked around.
"Here is the wedding feast spread ready for Suzy and me. How is this?"
Lass Margaret saw and heard, and her eyes grew red and fierce in her head. But before she could think how to cast another spell on Beichan, he remembered about the red dust. He called his two strong guardsmen.
"There has been a mistake. Take Lass Margaret and put her out of the castle. If she will go, take her out by the door. If she will not, throw her out of the window, for I know she is a witch, and could fly if she wanted to."
Beichan called The Pardon. "Bring that fine lady in to me, with all honour and good custom, for she is my love and my bride Suzy Pie come to be with me."
Lass Margaret was being carried struggling out as Suzy Pie was being escorted in. I will not tell you what Lass Margaret said, but it was not polite.
The wedding was a happy wedding, and the life that Beichan and Suzy had after that was a happy life. With the gold coins she wore when she came they built the castle all new, safe for children to run through or climb over.
They asked the Billy Blin to stay with them always. But the Billy Blin looked up at the mountains and said,
Snow and hail and ice I see,
Scotland is too cold for me.
I'll go home to sweet Turkee.
And he went home.